Friday, May 15, 2009

Well, I Did It

Did what? A few weeks ago, I posted about not being sure if I should sign my contract for next school year. I've been feeling as though God is leading me elsewhere. My issue is that my little paycheck does come in handy, plus the family friendly atmosphere and work schedule are terrific.

My boss handed out the contracts last Friday and asked that they be returned today. I read my contract and then put it aside for the entire week. I kept thinking should I or shouldn't I sign it?

Yesterday, I was reading a book about Noah to my class, and I mentioned how Noah obeyed God by building the ark even though everyone else laughed at him. I thought, "Oh, great. Here I am telling the kids about how Noah obeyed God and that we should too." Then I came home and read Tiffany's post about God pulling on your heart to step out and take a risk. Wonderful. Just wonderful.

At this point, you're probably thinking, "She did it! She decided to obey God and take a risk." Well, I'm sorry, but you're wrong. I in fact DID sign my contract, and I DID hand it in today. I know, I'm disappointed in myself too. And, of course, I'm sure God is also disappointed.

I just couldn't say no with the way the economy is and because one of the teachers I work with is taking a year off. We teach a three-year-old class together, and I don't want those kids to have to come back to two new teachers. At least they'll have some consistency with my presence in the classroom. There is a child in this class with special needs, and I truly believe that at least 3 other kids in the class will be identified with special needs next school year. After class yesterday, I was chatting with the one child's physical therapist. She and I each have a hearing impaired son and were discussing the services they receive. It was during our talk that I felt the tug to stay also because of the special needs kids. I just have a heart for them.

So I'll be back to teaching for at least one more year. One of my other bosses knows that I'm on a year-to-year basis because I am feeling led in other directions. She understands. She did ask if I'd be willing to work one of our camps this summer. I politely turned down that offer.

Oh Lord, forgive me for not obeying you. I am sorry. I am sorry if I have disappointed you. Please help me to make a difference in the life of a child next school year while still pursuing your other plans for me. Let your will and priorities be mine. Give me the time and the energy to be all that you would have me be. Be with me and my family as you lead me in new directions. Help me to depend and lean upon only you Lord. I praise you for the blessings in my life, and I love you.


Heart2Heart said...

I will be praying for you. It appears like there are numerous people who need you to stay.

If this isn't the direction for you, then God will quietly close this door for you somehow, losing the contract, laying you off, some way to let you know you did the right thing.

If not, pray about it and do it joyfully for God and He will bless it.

Hang in there,

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

Andrea said...

Dear friend....what makes you think GOD is disappointed in you. He knew what you would do before you did it. Have you ever thought HE may be doing something far greater and unusual right where you are serving..the new may come within the old....blessings and prayers, andrea

Sue J. said...

This is a conversation better had face-to-face. But....

You have certainly placed others' needs above your own, and serving with that kind of dedication and love is noteworthy. Discerning the Lord's will is not as easy as it is to say. That your heart led you to choose to sign is not something you can ignore. Just because you have a risky venture in mind doesn't mean that the timing is in God's timing.

As your fellow bloggers have already said, continue to pray over it, trusting that God will lead you in the direction that He wants you to go. And praises for your continued employment...and service!

Kelly said...

Just sending you a hug. It's hard to know what God wants in our lives, and harder still to obey sometimes...but he loves us (like Adam & Eve) even when we disobey.