I'm feeling guilty because God has given me something that is beautiful and useful, and I dislike it. (I don't want to use the word "hate", although, that's probably more accurate.) What God has given me is this pretty, unassuming pear tree.
The tree just blossomed this week and is gorgeous. BUT it will only be a matter of time when those white blossoms will start to produce pears. As the summer progresses, the pears will grow and many will fall off the tree as the birds and squirrels begin feasting on them. When they fall to the ground, they get mushy, they smell and what's even worse...they attract bees! This tree is smack dab in the middle of our backyard. There is no avoiding the fallen pears. We have to constantly clean up after this tree just as we clean up after our dog (which is particularly delightful when he has been eating the fallen pears).
My husband and I enjoy vegetable gardening, but in the 9 years that we have lived here, we've never enjoyed this tree. I haven't attempted to can the pears because canning is a mystery to me. It just seems complicated. When we pick the pears, they're hard as a rock. I usually put them in a paper bag to ripen them up. There is also the issue of there being SO MANY pears. Even when we give them away, we still end up with more than we can eat. Thus, I feel as if we're wasting a gift from God.
This has made me ponder what other gifts from God am I wasting and where am I not being fruitful? I am sure there are gifts that I'm just not seeing yet, but I'm also as sure that there are gifts that I am ignoring because I'm choosing to disobey God. For instance, I will be having my yearly review at work today and know that pretty soon I'll be given my contract to sign for next year. I just don't have peace about signing my contract but know that I will because I'm not trusting Him for our finances.
I'm feeling more led to run some kind of women's ministry and to be home full-time, but since I don't have any details in place, I don't feel I can say yes to Him. My "no" is going to cost me fruitfulness. Any gift that He has given me to be fruitful in the aforementioned areas will wither away. Just as in the Parable of the Talents that Jesus told, if I don't use my gifts and talents, God will take them away.
Oh Father God, please help me to be wise and to be obedient to You. Help me to say "yes" rather than "no" to you. Let me use whatever gifts I have received to serve others, faithfully administering Your grace in its various forms. Let me serve with the strength You provide, so that in all things You may be praised. (1 Peter 4:10-11)